


The Idiot's Guide to Social Networking

by carolinecrane



Series: down is where we came from [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-11
Updated: 2010-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck updates his relationship status on Facebook.  Chaos ensues.  Sequel to Offside Pass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Idiot's Guide to Social Networking

**Author's Note:**

> Part of Liz's Glee Futurefic series. Written with Liz's permission, and mainly to entertain her, so. I did make one (sanctioned) change from her original fic by adding the canonical Carole/Burt relationship, which was not canonical when Liz wrote her original story.

If Kurt ever needed definitive proof that Facebook was created by the Devil himself -- which he doesn't, thank you very much, not since he discovered that not only does his father _have_ a Facebook account, but he friended Finn and half of Kurt's classmates immediately and then proceeded to post all the pictures of Kurt's junior high dance recitals, something he's pretty sure he can thank his stepmother for, because it's not like Burt would know what a scanner is -- but if he _needed_ a reminder, this one would do just fine.

The first message is from Mercedes, which is a bit strange all on its own, because they haven't spoken in ages. Kurt's glad to hear from her; he never intended for them to drift apart, but she went to Chicago and he went to New York, and between the distance and...well, life, they just stopped making time to catch up. So he's glad to hear from her, until he opens her message. It consists of a single word: "WHAT?!?"

It takes a few seconds to dawn on him that she probably just clicked the wrong little picture on her friends list, and that the message was meant for someone else. Kurt swallows a vague sense of disappointment and deletes the e-mail, wondering idly if he should use her mistake as an excuse to get back in touch as he waits for his next message to load.

It's a friend request from Puck. Kurt rolls his eyes because really? After what they did to his very expensive sheets all weekend? But he clicks the 'confirm friend' button anyway, chews his lip for a second while he tries to remember which password he actually _uses_ for Facebook, then he logs in.

Once Facebook tells him that he and Noah Puckerman are now friends, Kurt clicks on Puck's name, just to see what picture he's using for his profile. It looks recent; Kurt can tell by the easy way he's smiling, not quite as feral as it was back in high school. And okay, maybe he's looking to see if Puck has any embarrassing photographic evidence posted, or maybe pictures of exes Kurt _hasn't_ made out with him in front of.

In the end it turns out Puck doesn't have pictures of any exes -- not even the one Kurt's met -- or anything else, for that matter. He only has the one picture uploaded, taken the last time he went home to visit his mother, it looks like. But while Kurt's right there on his profile he glances over it, and it doesn't take long before he spots it, right there in his relationship status: _In a relationship with Kurt Hummel_.

Well. Okay, then. So maybe Mercedes wasn't quite so mistaken after all.

Kurt's cheeks burn pleasantly and his mouth curves into a smile. Not that it matters what Puck's Facebook status says; Facebook is for people like Carole, who have too much time on their hands and are far too easily amused by idiotic games featuring farm animals. He doesn't need the confirmation that Puck thinks of them as a couple already, either, not when Puck's already agreed to bond with his father over beers and barbaric sports.

Still, it's...nice, seeing it there in black and white. He wonders vaguely when Puck had time to update his Facebook status, considering he's barely left Kurt alone since that first night at his place. Kurt catches himself smiling even wider at the thought and rolls his eyes at himself, then goes back to his e-mail.

There's another Facebook notification, this time a message from Quinn Fabray. Against his better judgment, Kurt clicks to open it. His eyes grow wider and his cheeks burn for an entirely different reason this time, and by the time he gets to the end of the message his mouth is hanging open in a less than graceful manner. Kurt snaps his jaw shut and deletes the e-mail immediately.

The fourth e-mail, from his erstwhile high school crush and current stepbrother, is so predictable that Kurt practically hears Finn's voice as he reads it:

_Dude, I have to hear about this stuff on a Facebook update? From _Puck_? You could call once in awhile, you know, let people know you're alive._

It's...sweet, in a really dysfunctional way. Kurt doesn't dwell; trying to work out the intricacies of his relationship with Finn always ends in a migraine, and he'd prefer to be clear-headed when Puck finishes with band practice and shows up at Kurt's door.

He makes a mental note to call Finn, or maybe just to call home to confirm his father's flight, and casually mention to Carole when she inevitably picks up the extension that she should say hi to Finn for him, and clicks back over to Facebook. His intention is to log out, but Puck's profile is still on the screen, his relationship status there in black and white for the whole world to see, and Kurt figures it's only right.

He clicks the link for his own profile and spends a minute trying to figure out how one updates the damn thing -- and why do they make it so hard, anyway? -- before he finally discovers where they're hiding the relationship status. He hasn't posted anything in his profile up to now except for his birthday and his high school, along with a headshot he had made back when he still had delusions of making it on Broadway.

But fair's fair, so he pulls down the menu and chooses 'in a relationship' from the list of options, raising an eyebrow at the fact that not only is 'open relationship' an option, but that Puck didn't choose it, then he scrolls down until he finds Puck's image smiling up at him again. Kurt clicks the box next to his name, then he saves his changes, and just like that, his own relationship status reads _in a relationship with Noah Puckerman_.

He's about to log out when a little box pops up at the bottom of the screen, and Kurt frowns when he sees Mercedes' name, followed by a single line:

**Mercedes:** Are you dating _Puck_? For real?

For a second Kurt just stares at the chat box, wondering when they added that feature. He makes another mental note to get Puck to show him how to turn it off, then he lets out a sigh and starts typing.

**Kurt:** Hello, Mercedes. It's been ages; how've you been?  
**Mercedes:** Don't change the subject. Are you or are you not dating Puck? As in the Puck who dumped you in the trash daily and tried to wash off the garbage stink by giving you a post-dumpster swirlie?  
**Kurt:** People change, you know.  
**Mercedes:** Boy, don't make me come out there.

Kurt rolls his eyes at the screen, but somehow denying the truth seems a little ridiculous now that he's updated his own relationship status.

**Kurt:** Fine, if you must know, yes, Puck and I are an item. It's very new, we just ran into each other last weekend.  
**Mercedes:** Really? Less than a week and he updated his relationship status?  
**Kurt:** Yes. Why?

Kurt frowns at the screen some more and wonders if it's possible to sound defensive in a chat message. Not that he has any reason to be defensive; he's aware of how quickly things have moved with Puck, but even if he wanted to put the brakes on, he _knows_ Puck, and he knows how...determined Puck can be.

Maybe he should be a little more worried about it. Maybe he should be expecting Puck to lose interest in him, to get his fill and then move on to the next pretty young thing that catches his eye at work, or maybe one of the shows he and his band play at some dive in the Valley. Except it's the Valley, for one thing, and nobody ever meets anybody of quality in the Valley. Then there's the fact that Puck just keeps showing up every night, whether it's to force Kurt onto that death trap he calls his 'ride' and take him out somewhere, or to crawl into bed after work smelling like a bar and deprive Kurt of beauty sleep on a school night.

The point is that it doesn't _feel_ like Puck's going anywhere any time soon, and Kurt doesn't plan to worry about it until Puck gives him a reason. He looks back down at the chat box, which is blinking impatiently at him. It's almost like it has Mercedes' personality. Kurt shudders and reads her latest message:

**Mercedes:** Nothing, it's just not a very Puck thing to do.  
**Mercedes:** But he must have changed or you wouldn't be dating him. I knew he'd come out as an equal opportunity dater, but I didn't think he'd gotten a personality transplant.  
**Mercedes:** He _has_ changed, right? You didn't let that whole Broadway thing ruin your self-esteem and now you're in some weird abusive relationship with Puck, right?  
**Mercedes:** Kurt? Oh my God, you're not, are you?  
**Kurt:** Of course not. You know me better than that.  
**Kurt**: He has changed, I suppose. He's still immature and his fashion sense is still tragic, but he's not like he was in high school.

Of course, now that he's typing it out, it's hard to wrap his head around the fact that he's _in a relationship with Noah Puckerman_. That's how he keeps thinking of it, printed on Facebook in black and white, completely unambigious. For the past five days he's been telling himself that it's nothing, just a physical attraction, that it will pass eventually and they'll part as friends and maybe even get together once in awhile to catch up. And if it stings a little to imagine Puck telling him about his new flavor of the week or whatever, Kurt just tells himself that's his pride talking.

It's been easy to pretend it doesn't bother him while it's just him and Puck, but now that other people know, it feels like he's got more to lose. Except he's always had a lot to lose, he just didn't want to admit it.

**Mercedes:** So you really like him?  
**Kurt:** It's been less than a week, Mercedes.  
**Mercedes:** Please. He changed his relationship status for you.

As though that means anything. It shouldn't mean anything; it's just _Facebook_, for God's sake. But that doesn't stop Kurt from hoping she's right.

**Kurt:** What can I say, he's helpless against my charms.  
**Mercedes:** Whatever. Just be careful, okay? And if he breaks your heart, call me so I can come bust his windshield.

Kurt smiles at the long-forgotten memory and wishes he was better at this online stuff so he could convey his gratitude with one of those ridiculous smiley faces Carole seems to like so much. Instead he grins at the screen and starts typing.

**Kurt:** He drives a motorcycle. It's terrifying. Hot, but terrifying.  
**Mercedes:** Puck or the motorcycle?

And even after all this time, it turns out she still knows him pretty well.

**Kurt:** Both.  
**Mercedes:** I can believe it. And Kurt?  
**Kurt:** Yes?  
**Mercedes:** I know we haven't kept in touch, but I'm around, if you need me.  
**Kurt:** Thanks, Mercedes. It was nice to hear from you.  
**Mercedes:** Well don't be such a stranger and you could hear from me more often.  
**Kurt:** Is that a threat?  
**Mercedes:** Very funny. I've got to run, I've got studio time booked tonight. We're almost done with the new single, it's gonna be slamming. TTYL!

He's still trying to work out what 'TTYL' means when a new message pops up, this one reading _Mercedes has signed off._ Kurt smiles and signs off Facebook before his father -- or worse, Finn -- pops up and starts typing questions he's not sure he's ready to answer.

The doorbell rings and his stomach flutters, a thousand butterflies launching at once and that hasn't happened to him since, God, like junior year. Kurt takes a deep breath and crosses the apartment to the front door, then he takes another deep breath to compose himself before he pulls it open.

When he does Puck's leaning on the door frame, a leather jacket hugging his chest and his motorcycle helmet hanging from one hand. "Hey," he says, swaying forward into Kurt's personal space without really moving, and Kurt's never going to figure out how he does that.

"Hey yourself," Kurt answers, but he lets Puck kiss him, turning his mouth up and taking a moment to savor the fact that Puck hasn't gotten tired of him quite yet. The thought launches another batch of butterflies, and Kurt feels himself tense against Puck's chest.

"What's with you?" Puck asks, pulling back to frown at him.

"I was just on Facebook," Kurt says before he can stop himself, and he does not want to have this conversation, but somehow his mouth didn't get the memo.

"Oh yeah?" Puck says, pushing himself off the door frame and into the apartment and Kurt hates himself a little for the way his knees go weak just from watching Puck _move_.

"What happened? Did Finn and Schue finally declare their big gay love and move to Vermont to run a maple syrup farm or something?"

"What?" Kurt says, but when Puck opens his mouth to elaborate he holds up a hand to stop him. "I don't want to know. Actually it was your relationship status that seems to have generated some excitement."

For a long moment Puck just looks at him like he doesn't know what the hell Kurt's talking about, but just when Kurt starts to wonder if Facebook has some sort of creepy ESP that just _knows_ and broadcasts people's love lives without their permission, Puck's expression shifts from shocked to stormy.

"So, what, you don't want people back home to know about us? It's okay out here in L.A. where nobody knows what a fuck-up I am?"

"What? No," Kurt says, cheeks burning so hot he knows Puck can see. And he's not sure if he's blushing from anger or shame or just utter confusion, but he does know this conversation isn't going at all how he planned. "You're not a fuck-up. Why would you...I don't mind if people know. I asked you to go to a hockey game with my father, didn't I?"

Puck shrugs and looks away, and when he finally turns back, Kurt gets it. And he can't really be blamed for not noticing before, because he's known Puck as long as he can remember, and it's the first time he's seen him unsure of anything.

"I can bail if you want."

"Don't be stupid. I already bought your ticket," Kurt says, and it's not at all what he _wants_ to say, but bitchy has always been his default setting when he's feeling a little like the world is tilting under his feet.

"I'll pay you back." And now Puck just looks angry, but Kurt's still stuck back on the fact that Puck's...nervous? About Kurt? As though that makes any sense at _all_.

"Can we just...?" Kurt pauses in mid-sentence, closing his eyes and taking a deep, cleansing breath. This whole conversation has already spiraled too far out of control, and he knows if he doesn't take steps to fix it, something's going to happen that they'll both regret. Which makes this some sort of turning point in their relationship, he supposes, opening his eyes to find Puck watching him like he's expecting Kurt to explode.

"So are we breaking up here or what?" Puck asks, sounding just like that macho jerk from high school for a second, and Kurt actually wants to cry with relief at the fact that Noah Puckerman's worried about Kurt breaking up with _him_.

"Please, I value my life," Kurt answers, the edges of his lips quirking into a smirk. "I think I got a death threat from Quinn Fabray earlier. Something about not hurting you. So, you know, apparently you still have options in that department. Just something to consider."

"What?" Puck says, and Kurt would roll his eyes at the fact that the word 'what' is becoming something of a recurring theme tonight, but he's too busy trying to decide if Puck's angry at being called out about his...whatever with Quinn, or if he's genuinely confused. "One, Quinn does not have a thing for me. And B, even if she did, I like my current option just fine."

Kurt allows him a pleased smile, but he keeps his distance and crosses his arms over his chest. "Well maybe you could let her know that, because she seems a little confused."

"What the fuck did she say to you?"

"Oh, she tried to make it sound like she was happy for us," Kurt answers, waving one hand dismissively and pretending that he has no idea he's giving Puck his best 'bitch, please' expression.

"She said she was glad we'd found each other and she wanted you to be happy, and she hoped I was the person who could do that for you, etcetera. I don't really remember," he lies, as though he isn't quoting her message verbatim. "Honestly, does she think I've never seen _Mean Girls_? I lived through high school with you two, I can read between the lines."

This time it's Puck who rolls his eyes, then he lifts his head and stares up at the ceiling for a minute, and if Kurt didn't know him better he'd suspect Puck was praying.

"Do you know why I even log onto Facebook in the first place?"

"Oh, this I _have_ to hear," Kurt answers, but even he can hear the way his voice wavers.

"It's to keep Quinn off my back. Not like that," Puck says, and Kurt shuts his mouth and pretends he wasn't about to interrupt with another sarcastic remark.

"You know what she's like, man. After Beth..." Puck pauses, eyes sliding closed for a brief moment, and suddenly Kurt wants to pull him close and tell him to forget it, to forget Facebook and everyone who knows them and just go back to the two of them, alone in his room. They've spent the past six days together when they weren't at work or school, but six days isn't much time at all, considering, and they haven't talked about Puck's little girl once since that first night.

"After Summer," Puck continues, eyes opening to focus on Kurt again. Kurt's hand flutters midway to reaching for him, then falls uselessly back to his side. "She wouldn't let me be. Was I okay, didn't I want to talk about it, did it feel like my heart was suddenly missing a big chunk, all the damn time, you know? You'd think she would have let it go after graduation, but I swear she got even worse once we weren't in school anymore. Like the fact that I bailed on the concept of college meant I wasn't coping or something.

"So I set up a Facebook account because it was easy, and I updated my status every so often, just so she wouldn't call in a suicide watch or some shit like that. Truth is I'm pretty sure _she_ wasn't coping, and treating me like I was the breakable one gave her something else to think about."

It's surprisingly insightful for a guy like Puck, and Kurt can't help smiling his approval. Because he's always had good taste -- fine, that little crush on Finn aside -- and he's not going to let anyone call his man a fuck-up, not even the man himself.

Puck shrugs again, hand on the back of his neck and smiling sheepishly at Kurt. "After awhile it just got to be a habit. Besides, it was kind of cool to see what everybody else is doing. Who's still stuck in Ohio, who's still hiding in the closet, you know."

Kurt purses his lips to keep from grinning, but when Puck takes a few steps forward he lets himself be pulled into a warm embrace.

"For the record, Finn Hudson is many things, but gay is not one of them."

"Please, he's been harboring the manlove for Schue since sophomore year."

"Yes, but not in a gay way. In a hopelessly pathetic, heteronormative, father figure way. He transferred it to my father for awhile." Kurt pauses to shudder at the memory.

"Whatever, you're just jealous that he never transferred his manlove onto you."

"First of all, ew, he's my _brother_. And secondly, I am not jealous." Kurt draws himself up to his full height, which still leaves him an inch or two shy of meeting Puck's gaze straight on, but he lifts his chin defiantly and does his best to compensate for the difference. "Why would I be jealous about Finn? I landed the hot jock, didn't I?"

Eventually, Kurt thinks as he lets Puck drag him to bed, Puck will notice that Kurt's updated his own relationship status on Facebook, and then they'll probably have another argument about why this argument was even necessary. But for now, he's just going to shut up and let Puck demonstrate just how much he wants to be right where he is.


End file.
